I Quit. Or, it Sucks to Suck.

Growing up, I did well in school, but outside of academia I was a mess.  I danced for a handful of years, dabbling in jazz, acro, and ballet.  All that remains of those years--as my friends who've seen me on the dance floor can attest--are a few snapshots of me in overwrought costumes and garish pancake makeup.  I took up horseback riding for a year or two, played basketball for two seasons, made two attempts at track, and survived one year of cross country.  And if there is a common thread among all these activities, it was that I sucked at all of them.

During horse camp, I was given Buddy, one of the most seasoned and calm horses they had.  During an exercise in the indoor ring, he bolted, and I clung on for dear life.  One of the adults stopped us before we made it outside.  When playing rec basketball, it took me almost a whole season to make my first bucket during a game, an occasion so momentous that my coach (also my best friend's dad) leapt up from the bench and hugged me.  Track was forgettable, and cross country became a months-long mind-fuck.  We pounded the pavement day in and day out--no cross-training--and it got to the point where I couldn't distinguish between what was just soreness and what was an actual injury.  I sat out a few races, and placed in the bottom in others.  Running is not a contact sport, yet I still managed to sustain a head injury.  During our summer camp, I collided with two of the members of the boys' team while playing ultimate frisbee, landing on my head and neck (or one or the other--I don't remember because I blacked out for about a minute).    My coach was pretty concerned; the boys' coach, who pretty much thought I was a waste of space, berated me for skipping the next run over a "pinched nerve."

So yes, I was terrible at all these things.  But the other common thread among those pursuits was that they didn't last very long; I never gave myself enough time to be un-terrible.  I was a quitter; I probably knew it then, and I definitely know it now.  It's a big regret; what if I had stuck with one of those activities for the long haul?  Maybe I would have improved, earned my varsity letter, earned a medal other than "Participation."  But in the back of mind, I can't help thinking that I still would have sucked at whichever pursuit I chose, no matter what.

I've written extensively about CrossFit in the past, what it is, and why I do it.  Since writing those posts, I've changed gyms--twice.  I started at CF Pittsburgh in the fall, and have been coming to CF Central while I'm here in Austin.  In total, I've been doing this thing for two years and--surprise--I still suck.

Life of the Body, Life of the Mind

This move to Pittsburgh has been a momentous one.  I changed cities, career paths, the direction of my life.  While this is certainly a movement forward for me, I sometimes feel like I’m making a trade.  No offense to Pittsburgh, but when it comes to swapping it for Brooklyn, I feel like I’m getting a bit of a raw deal.  (Though I do appreciate the 30%+ discount on rent.)  But I also feel like I’ve traded a life of the body for a life of the mind.

CrossFit: A Field Guide (Part Deux)

So here it is!  The long-awaited (by about three of you) Part II of the CrossFit Field Guide.  Part I covered the workouts, jargon, and people.  Part II covers the all-important topics of wardrobe, diet, and controversy. 

(But really, it’s just a thinly veiled mash note to my companions and coaches at my box, CrossFit South Brooklyn.  I’ll be moving at the end of the month and will miss them dearly, but in the words of the Governator, I’LL BE BACK!  That’s a promise.)  

The Wardrobe

The CrossFit aesthetic is unusual, to say the least. As in other realms of fashion, the men are more uniform and less loud in their dress. The typical CrossFit Male is often undistinguishable from the rest of the gym-going population of men: t-shirt, shorts, and gym shoes. There are, however, subtle differences. Whereas your average gym-goer wears Nike or adidas trainers, the CrossFit male is more likely to be wearing weightlifting shoes or Converse. He is also more apt to take his shirt off mid-workout; a practice often frowned upon at most corporate gyms.

In warmer months, the CrossFit Male may often been seen barefoot. Contrary to popular belief, weightlifting and running are often better executed this way, as one can better get a "feel" for the floor. I can just imagine countless non-Paleolithic members of society cringing at the potential dangers: you could drop a weight on your foot! You could step on glass! (Not to mention the socio-economic implications; one CF friend of mine, while walking home barefoot from the box, was offered money by a stranger to "buy some shoes"; the bystander likely thought he was another recession victim). In my experience, people tend to get over their aversion to shoelessness sooner or later. I began lifting in stocking feet after a few months--though I still wear shoes while walking and running the streets of Brooklyn. Apologies to my fellow CF-ers, but I'm not crazy. I don't wish to test whether or not my tetanus shots are up-to-date.  Perhaps the impracticalities of going barefoot are what make Vibrams, those weird reptilian-looking shoes with toes, more popular among the CrossFit demographic (both male and female) than the general population.

While popular with yogis, the lululemon-brand clothing is also popular among CF-ers, both male and female. I quickly discovered why. Though it still makes me cringe to spend nearly $100 on stretchy pants, the quality is unmistakable, and necessary. While doing common CF exercises like deadlifts and squats, which require an extreme ass-out position, inferior-quality pants and shorts are stretched to their limits, often exposing the wearer to the extreme. I'll expand no further on the subject.

The CrossFit Female is often colorful and expressive in her attire.  Clothes are often short or tight, or some combination of the two.  This is less for show [though if you looked like this (fast forward to 1 minute), who wouldn’t want to show off a little?] and more for practicality’s sake.  You don’t want to be mid-workout worrying about a baggy shirt or pair of shorts riding up, or getting tangled in a jump rope.

In this way, the CF Female may seem to resemble any other woman bound for Pilates class—until you get to the all-important part of the wardrobe known as accessories.  The most distinguishing accessories of the CF Female are the tall socks.  Calf-length, knee-high, or over-the-knee, these socks also serve a purpose in CrossFitting.  They protect your shins from bar scrapes and scars while doing deadlifts, cleans, and snatches.  They protect your calves from rope burn while climbing.  And as a bonus, when paired with short shorts, they show off toned quads and hammies.

Other accessories worn by both male and female CFers include sweatbands, bandanas, and things called skins, which I believe are supposed to improve your circulation and/or make you look like a serious athlete.  There are also the all-important affiliate* t-shirts, which sport sayings ranging from the serious (“Fitness is Earned”) to the silly (“I eat burpees** for breakfast”).  CFers also love things adorned with skulls.  It’s all about looking tough.

Snippy Snacks

Snippy Snacks

1/4 c. coconut oil

1/4 c. honey

1/2 c. pumpkin

2 tsp. vanilla

2 1/2 c. almond flour or meal

1/2 tsp sea salt

2 tsp cinnamon

1/2 tsp baking soda

1 c. walnuts, broken into small pieces

1 c. coconut flakes

1/2 c. raisins

In a large bow mix the oil, honey, pumpkin and vanilla. In a smaller bowl, blend all of the dry ingredients: almond flour, salt, cinnamon, baking soda, walnuts, coconut, and raisins. Stir the dry ingredients into the wet ingredients and mix completely. Drop by the teaspoonful on to a baking sheet lined with parchment. Flatten the cookies slightly and be sure to space them adequately. Bake at 350F for 9 - 11 minutes.

Credit where credit is due: adapted from this recipe from another CrossFitter

Before and After

Photos taken at the end of the Brooklyn Half Marathon in 2009 (left) and 2010 (right).  What a difference almost a year of CrossFit makes!

CrossFit: A Field Guide (Part I)

Is the person who shows up at the office every weekday, buttoned into business casual, who you really are?  What about the people you work with?  Your seemingly mild-mannered receptionist could be a spike-heeled dominatrix by night; the soft-spoken guy from IT could be a firebreathing rugby player who crushes skulls on the weekends. 

What we choose to do in our free time is highly indicative of who we are.  Perhaps that’s why, even though our friends and loved ones may not share our passions, we hope they can at least understand them.

Of course, certain pastimes are more easily relatable than others. If I tell people I run, they will largely assume I'm conscious about my health (true), and when I say I run races, they'll assume I'm fast (untrue) and/or that I like a challenge (true). When I share the fact that some of my running partners are blind—well, that tidbit needs a little more explanation.

CrossFit is another pastime of mine that requires some explanation. Most people have never heard of it, or, in one case, assume it's a workout exclusively for transgendered people.  Or, if they’ve seen some of the videos online, think I’m absolutely insane.

And so, in an effort to explain why I spend so much time and energy on this endeavor, why I come home broken and bruised, yet still come back for more—I’ve decided, for the benefit of the uninitiated, to create a CrossFit Field Guide. 

This Guide is by no means all-encompassing, or even that informative. As a CrossFitter of barely 11 months, I am certainly no expert, but believe I have sufficient knowledge to provide an introduction to the layperson.

And so, if you are a current CrossFitter who wants a way to get through to a family member who is concerned for your safety and sanity, or if you are the partner of a CFer who is wondering why your significant other has been spending so much time with a tattooed, ragtag group of shifty-looking characters, read on...